I was a tom body and grew up with two brothers, and have a biological father who hates woman. I still resent being a woman. I'm a mother of five, and I feel like men get off the hook for everything, and that I never completed my dreams because I became a mother. My personality or ideals I guess I should say, are very much the same as my husband's. He's a work aholic, and works himself to death. I have a huge need to be successful in the world and I feel worthless for being a stay at home mom....I feel like it's killing brain cells....like a monkey could do what I do, and with five kids...it made me feel like a really beautiful piece of cattle. I was always praised for my looks. I'm a very good in sales and marketing and feel like if I was a man people would take me more seriously, and have been slighted in the work force for being one. I feel very manly on the inside...with a lovely exterior that holds me back in life. I don't feel like I'm accomplishing anything as a woman, and would love nothing more than to be the one bringing home the bacon....I love my kids...but...it's not a gratifying job for me. I was very good in sports when I was young...I won various awards for running, and I was the best pitcher in my softball league. As I grew up I liked dace, and cheer leading...my parents pushed for that when we moved to Texas...and my mother steered me away from softball. I don't dress pretty anymore...but I've equated that to being a stay at home mom...and wearing the sweat pants...didn't realize that it could still be my "issues." I was always also praised for being a tom boy...my uncle once said if he had a girl he would want one just me me. My issues may not be as extreme...but I do really hate being my gender. My body is warn out, and when I look in the mirror I see my dad's face. I have always been attacked to men...but there have been some woman I have been drawn to. Nothing ever came of any of it. Just girl crushes. I'm not embarassed about it...I get enraged about it....I do feel like I would have been better off a man, and God made a mistake...I also would have gotten away with my behaviors..because I was a man. For sure!


I would suggest reading "Get me out of here" too. It was the first time I had ever seen anyone with the same issues as me, and I found out where they came from.

Oh I forgot....my bio dad used to call my brother, step dad, and step brother sissies....and I took that as bad, and never wanted to be that. It messed with my brother's identity, and mine. We didn't want to be that. But both my brothers are mocho men in disguise, and I'm a manly woman in disguise.