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I am in the same ol' rut once again......... each time I think I got it all figure out, life gets me. Maybe I should not think I know the answer. Maybe I should be more humble who knows.
I am not sure if there is any sense to life at all......... I may tell myself there are countries to see and people to meet and things to learn and that there will be a lot of new music that I will enjoy and all the jazz, that I have a lot of good deeds to do, and that I have purpose....... but at the moment, all is "so what?". I shopped quite a lot lately and just today I managed to take tags of some things.... just doesn't really excite me as much as it should.
It seems I am just chasing something to feel alive. All the travels......... just running away and hoping to finding something meaningful in ruins or on battlefields. Or on pretty places.
All the things I learned.......... it seems fake. A construct of those who are more succesful at pretending than I am.
I don't know what I want. I am 27 and didn't really do anything with my life. where it's said I will do something in next 27 years? I don't know where to move from here. I don't know why I even try. I am just afraid that the longer I live the greater the chance is I am gonna do something bad. I cannot not take risks........... I could not live with myself if I didn't do anything (which honestly feels is exactly what I am doing...... nothing), but if I do something it might turn bad. I may hurt people. I may cause a mess. I may disappoint everybody, including myself.
I just don't know what to do. Right now I am living "just in case". Because I feel it does not matter. But just in case it did......... I don't know if I can go on too much longer than this.
I don't know what I want or need. Maybe just to look for good omens, as I always tell others...........
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Glory to heroes!
HATEFREE CULTURE
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