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sdcg76 · Jan 19, 2012, 01:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PurpleFlyingMonkeys

I'm sorry you feel you are in such a tough situation, raising a child is never an easy task, especially when that child becomes a teen. What I always recommend and ask other parents to do is try really hard to think back when you were a teen. Be honest with yourself. It's natural with all of the hormones for a child to act out in teen years. Swearing and saying hell and damn really aren't the worst things a 16 year old can do. The fact that he is cutting himself means he is punishing himself, he is down and feeling really bad about himself right now. As a parent, that's when it's our job to step in and get them help. He's only 16, you can and should make him see a therapist, perhaps even family councelling to learn to handle his outbursts and for him to learn to accept you having other relationships.

He's 16, he thinks he's a man so he's going to step in line being the man of the house and try to keep a "close eye" on you to keep you "safe" from any man that could harm you. Being a teenager, any man that approaches you is going to harm you so he doesn't want you dating. It's actually very common for teenagers to be like this. It's also common for them to swear and yell.

What seems like needs to be done is you need to reestablish your authority over that home by sending him to therapy, he doesn't want to go? Good he can involuntarily go to the psych ward than to get the help, but he really needs help. One day his cutting may go beyond just superficial scars and it would be the end of him, I don't think you want that.

You also need to work on your patience and understanding with him. I know it's easy to throw the teen card out when they are acting up but it really is often the case. Remember when you were a teen? All of the confusing mixed hormones you were going through? Everyone goes through that.

Your children make mistakes as you have in your past and will continue to do throughout the future, we are not defined by our mistakes but are defined by what we learn from those mistakes. Take this time, these old wounds and mend them. Learn from the mistakes of yourself and your son. It is up to the parent to fix things, he is still (although at 16 it gets harder to see) only a child. It is up to the parent to recognize and fix the problem. Your son and yourself have a gap in the relationship, a gap that needs to be filled. It's up to you to seek help for this. He wont do it, he thinks he knows everything. But you know what is needed so it's up to you to do it.

Teen years are hard, but remember they are hard for him too!

I hope you find what you need to build a better relationship with your son.

Thank you for your reply. I and my sister were just talking about therapy for him and she mentioned since he won't go freely to talk to my therapist about getting it court ordered, as I know tht will be the only way he'll go. So hopefully this will happen ASAP.