sdcg, I am sorry if my post sounded gruff, but this is the part of your post I was really talking about: "haven't liked him since he was 12. I was so distraught with him among other things this past July tht I was hospitilized for my depression"

Here's my point, and I'll see if I can make it more gently. Children can FEEL when you don't like them. Trust me on this. I have LIVED IT.

Your reply said this: "I have always loved my son and treated him with love, acceptance and respect, but I won't apologize to know one how I feel about this sitiation as every yr he gets worse." And you'd stated he doesn't have the right to treat you disrespectfully. I get that. Really I do. BUT, and this is a huge BUT, you are the mom and have to react to his disrespect with love. I know that is hard and sounds weird. I know you're saying that you treat him with love and respect, but the treatment of your son that you talk about in your posts is not loving or respectful.

My son's behavior was truly horrible as he was growing up. He was oxygen deprived at birth and had some HUGE behavior issues. This is a kid that would scream and bite and flail around, and say horrible things to me. I refused to ever think he was anything other than a GOOD kid who was just extremely sensitive to his environment and his feelings. I cannot tell you how many times he has said he hates me over the years. EVERY time, my response was "that's okay, I love you enough for the both of us." We emphasized how much we love and adore him, but didn't like his behavior. We always tried to teach and model self control and to help him learn techniques to control himself.

He told me recently how much he hated, and yet at the same LOVED hearing me say that I loved him enough for the both of us. He loved the safety of knowing that no matter what he did or said, I loved him, and I was there to help him contain his emotions and help him get control when he felt like he had none.

So many people told me I was doing the wrong thing with my son. That he was spoiled and disrespectful. We just kept plugging away with the self control thing. Now, he's trying to decide which scholarship offer he's going to accept -- and whether he wants to accept Stanford or Berkley's offers or go with the Ivy leagues. He has lots of friends. His teachers love him and he has a great girl friend.

And money sucks for us. We're poorer than all his friends. But my son feels SECURE in how much I love him and how important he is to me. He knows that even now when he gets overwhelmed, every once in a great while, I am there, I am safe and I will help him, not condemn him. Sometimes he curses. I help him identify the emotion that is causing the issue and address that, while asking him to change his behavior. Like, "I know you're frightened and lets talk about that, but please don't curse." And it works.

The dating thing sounds like it is coming from a place of fear and caring by your son. I'm not saying you shouldn't date. I'm saying be careful of who you bring in your son's life. He feels unsafe and out of control already. Adding another man into the mix, particularly if your son thinks the man seems unsafe for you, is just overwhelming.

I hope I expressed my thoughts better this time. Sorry to write such a book.