The DBT session went perfectly normally.
Not because they weren't concerned about my suicidal thoughts...but because I lied through my teeth.

"Any suicidal urges this week then?"
"No, not at all. Not a single thought of it"
"Any self harm urges?"
"No actually. It's been a really good week".
"Oh wow. That's both excellent and surprising because of the issues you've had in the past. I am so happy to see that neither suicide nor self injury are an option for you anymore!"
"Yeah. It's been a really good week. Obviously I have bad ones. But this one was really good".

In the past I've always been brutally honest about my suicidal thoughts with my workers. This seems very different...as though I don't want to be stopped.

However I am currently persuading myself to call the Crisis team. It's almost 9pm and they're on call until 11pm. But I'd rather leave it until tomorrow. If I DO call...it will be tomorrow. No sooner, no later.

I'll keep checking in.
RB ♥