I don't understand why they came about (they meaning the suicidal thoughts) I thought I was fine, and then I remember feeling something that I have never felt before, and read in a Chicken soup for the soul book, and that's when the suicidal thoughts started. After that I found different ways to use. This all started my summer before my senior year of high school.

I guess you could say I ignore feelings, it's the only thing that I have known. I never saw my parents fight which could be good, and could be bad. I never felt comfortable talking to others about what I was feeling, because I didn't know what to call what I felt, vrs what others are feeling. I could feel what others were going through, but didn't know what to call it.

This is all frustrating to me, and when it gets to the point that I've felt like I've lost control then my mind searches for ways out. But good news, I found a new T and 2 groups that may help me to deal with things. I'm scared about spending 3 hours a week, but it's better than spending a week in the hospital again. And that starts next week.