Hi RB - I'm sorry you're struggling right now. I saw your post last night and didn't have anything else to add, so I was silently sending hugs. But I've been watching for your post today. I was growing concerned when you hadn't posted all day. I'm glad you're still okay. I'm not going to be silent anymore though.

It sounds like now, more than ever, you need to be in the hospital. You're at a very dangerous point right now. You don't want to be stopped, you've written your notes...now is the time to listen to that small shred of self-preservation that is trying to whisper over the roar of self-destruction. Please, call the crisis line. It's still before 11 there as far as I can tell. If you're not able to call them tonight then go to an emergency room. Tell them what you've told us.

You are valued so much here, as I'm sure you are to your friends and family there. I know you're hurting. I've been there too. And it may be a little selfish of me to ask you to hold on, to get some immediate help, and continue in a life that hurts. But it won't hurt forever. You can be here for your birthday and for many more after this. But you need to tell people there who can help you.

Please. Call someone. NOW.