!!!!!Trigger for sui talk!!!!!

Can I VENT a little LOUD??? My F'ing medical team is batting a thousand this week. First off, on Tues I went to T. Sat in the waiting room looking at this beautiful woman. Long blonde hair, skinny, skirt, feminine....made me feel yucky about how un-girly I am. I figure she's there for one of the other T's. My T comes out...late as usual...and calls this chick in. It's my weekly standing apt. He doesn't even look at me. I sat there frozen...like wtf? I looked at my phone to make sure it was the right day/time. I sat for 10 min, she comes out, he calls me in. No explanation, and I said nothing, of course. really triggered. I stuttered and had a real difficult time talking. Felt really stupid when I left.

WED...I go to PDOC and he is running late, this large heavy smoker in the waiting room...she reeks of stale cigarettes and booze...big trigger. I get into his office to go over meds and he's like "no smile today? Come on be more positive" I was like F You, if I was positive I wouldn't be here. I hope he had to sit in a small closed in room with smelly lady after me.

Today (thurs) I go to primary care doc to get my kidney function test. I had a rough suicide attempt last month and they were worried I trashed my kidneys. The doc goes on an on about my psych meds. I tell him I have a T and a PDOC. He wants to know what my "trauma" is. What my mental health problems are and he is asking T type questions. NONE OF HIS BUSINESS!! Just do the dang test and leave me a lone. I left feeling stupid and looked down upon. He hates me now, I just know it. I hate the tone in his voice when he realizes I am one of "those" patients.

I am so pissed, I hate this crap. I don't want to see any professional ever again.

I feel ugly stupid and worthless.