Oh well, it sounds to me like you havent had a "real" diagnosis. You need to find a "reputable" psychologist and psychiatrist/neurologist to help you figure out WHY your struggling. You have a lot of anger, NOT GOOD, NOT FAIR TO YOU. You need to get to the bottom of finding out where that is coming from and how to work your way out of it. You DO deserve that, you truely don't deserve to feel so hopeless and angry at yourself and life.

It sounds like you have gotten your records of what was observed in the psychward?
If you have not gotten your own records, you should and see what was observed by the staff in the ward during your stay there. It may be possible that you had a psychotic episode, heard voices and do not remember. Try to understand it, but DO get your records. But you truely need to get a proper diagnosis. If you are not hearing voices now than I believe you.

When we enter into the world of getting psychiatric help, I have found that we truely have to become our own health advocates. We have to make efforts to do our best first to get the correct diagnosis and then study what it means as well as the various treatments that have been used and which treatments have been helpful.

You talk about an unsupportive family, well, it is important that you discuss your childhood, including any abuse, neglect, as well as your environment. You can only help yourself, if you learn to understand yourself better, and that, my friend does take time. I have come to know that myself, I have learned so much about my own issues and am finally gaining. I am not totally healed, but I DO have a much better understanding of how I DO struggle and many of the WHYS. So, one day at a time I work at it. We simply do not get better unless we are willing to do the work. And it isn't always easy, and as I have found, it does take patience. And most important, you DO have to give yourself a chance, try very hard not to hate yourself, or punish yourself, instead be willing to understand yourself better and work on yourself.

Be good to yourself, make a commitment to take care of yourself and ignore the negetive messages from others who do not understand you.

Open Eyes