Wow Peaceprinter - you are totally describing my life. My husband has recently changed quite a bit for the better, and I can't be sure but it does seem as though ADD meds might be the reason why. Mine doesn't have the "H", but the other things you mentioned are identical to my situation. The unreliability is the worst part, but instead of promising things and not following through, mine just refuses to agree to do anything I ask him to. He beats himself up really badly when he lets me down and has resorted to just saying NO to even the simplest things that would help me with the shared responsibilities that I have been managing single-handedly for several years. I know your frustration and feelings of hopelessness so well.

But as I said, I think that his ADD meds have helped because he's been astonishingly productive in the last few weeks, despite losing his job.

I don't know how to get your husband to consider a d(x). Fortunately, mine was willing because he never understood while (in his words) "everyone else has a fire under their butts except [him]". He has always been an underachiever and battles rather chronic depression. It took about a year before I could get him to accept treatment for the depression, but now that the depression is under control thanks to a great T and Lexapro, he was more willing to trust the T when she suggested a possible d(x) of ADD.

How I got my husband to acknowledge his depression in the first place was that I bought a book called "Am I Depressed" out of desperation to understand why he was refusing to do anything except sleep all day when he used to be an active, cheerful guy. He also was very defensive and refused to let me discuss Depression with him. But, one evening I came home from work and walked in the house to find him crying, the book on the bed next to him. He said "you're right -- this does sound like me". It still took several months to get him to participate in therapy, but eventually we found the right T who he trusts and who seems to understand and has a ton of compassion.

I wish you the best of luck with your husband and two small children. Please feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk.

Love,
LMo