SO-- I am a leery one with meds, I just started Lamictal last December, and with this refill I told them I did not think it was doing much BUT i wanted to stay at the low dose for a while to give it some time-- sort of right thinking right? They said that was ok- but that usually the higher dosage is what helps with mood disorders....

Now at one point, some wanted to put me on antipsychotic which I said no- have my own reasons, but here lately I have been thinking on something

My boyfriend (he is smart but I know he is not a doctor) but keeps wondering why I don't go on Anti-Anxiety meds to help, and that he thinks that the anxiety meds would help more than a mood stabilizer even though for about 2 years he kept talking about how meds may help my mood swings.

He uses the example of : When someone has high anxiety and they go on anti-anxiety medications, it really helps them with coping with their anxiety and not be so bad (this also with coping skills from therapy too).

NOW- We have talked about antipsychotics- and even though he agrees that I am bipolar as the docs do--- he thinks I don't need them.

But the other day, I realized that at times I go on tangents of people doing things against me, being against me, being mean in ways and out of things that NO ONE really understands how I see they are being mean.... I think this could do a lot with some other things as well, but the "everyone against me" thing I guess can occur with some bipolar people... IDK i think everyone can get this way, but I have a "habit" or more so "pattern" with it.

There are other things too-- with thinking the world is an illusion, things are illusion and so forth-- thinking frogs are signs with things or other things that pop up (the other day the radio was talking about statistics and men and women cheating and of course I took this as a sign as my boyfriend is cheating on me- we talked about this topic again) I think that can intertwine with trust issues as well...
Or Rocks are signs (secret messages) I had that about 3 years ago and again at the beginning of the year when i saw rocks. realize with me this was around the same time about 3 years ago ....

Any ways--- IDK- I WAS THINKING.... I took his train of thought with anxiety and medication.
I told him: Well would that not be the same for the whole bipolar thing and anti-psychotics?
He sort of said yes
The thing is --- I have already done enough damage to my brain with illegal drugs. I have read some things that anti-psychotics are really bad for your brain (esp. if you don't need them)..
I guess this is me just wondering-- would it work for some of the stress that I create with how I think at times with people out to get me, signs, secret messages and all-- I don't do this all the time by the way-

And yes I told this to my Therapist and the one Pdoc. Well wait- One thing I did not tell them was the illusion of the world -- but I have told them of things being illusions as in not real in my life-

arg-- hard decisions..

Harder when you get to a point of "IM FINE- nothing is wrong with me right " I tend to do that too....

it so difficult. I guess any thoughts from you lovely PC peoples