krisakira, again it is sad that you feel that removed from your father. i have met one man that was so into his own selfish motives, that he could only leave pain with everyone within his life. a man that left this world just recently. his wife never has grieved over him and likely never will, his daughter left with much unresolved anger and the feelings of never being understood or good enough to please her father. the thing about this situation; is that the daughter and the father were very much alike in
their actions and speech. a brother-in-law that i thought of as a useless piece of flesh.

my niece suffered much as he was dying; and never got the affection or the support from her father. how this has worked out in detail for my niece, i do not know, but she recently had her own cabaret show in houston that ran a week
with sold-out seats. your father may be of my bil ilk, and there was nothing normal
about him in any way, a very sick selfish personality. she is very close to her mom
and no longer has to dread visiting her parents due to her dad being there and insulting and downing her.

if this is your situation, i completely understand your not wanting to be near him.
i am glad you and your mother have a great relationship and you do have support, love and comfort from her. hopefully your mom does not feel pulled by this as dividing her feelings between the two of you. you might ask her about that. some women
take their marriage vows extremely seriously, no matter how bad, how terrible the state of their marriage is they stay in it. a normal man could not have anything but affection for a daughter, whether he spoke , or showed it at all. may you find peace with this.