All I can say is, I felt like a pile of pathology when I left the office.
I did need to be supported by my therapist this week. I'm going through some really funky stuff at work (while also bringing in a lot of new revenue!) and that was why hearing that "you're just surviving" felt kind of awful really.

Yes, I'm kinda proud of myself, and was pretty revealing of myself in these last few sessions. I acknowledge that a lot of the crap I'm wading through right now is the result of a traumatic background but I try not to use that as an excuse. And so, to hear...."with a background like yours, I can understand...." or "It's not likely to change" makes me feel stigmatized, misunderstood and hopeless.

I did speak with my T about this. What I heard was, well, what's coming up in this now is probably there in your other relationships.

I do not feel that this is the case.

Right now, I have the choice to put my therapy on hold for a while due to some scheduling changes, and think about it. I think that's a good idea, but part of me doesn't really think this is fixable, and the reason for that is that I'm already feeling better with some distance from this, and the idea of going back gives me that pit in my stomach that says...this may not be in your best interests. The very different kind of stomach feeling that you get when you have to take that hard leap forward.
Hard leaps, I can do. And if that's what this turns out to be, I think I will know it.

I will keep asking myself for guidance but I really appreciate your sharing your experience. It resonates with me.