For a while now, years I guess (I can't remember when it started) I am constantly thinking way too much about others'thoughts instead of my own, for instance I base the music I listen to off of what a couple of my friends listen to (and the guy I kind of like) which has been partly a good thing (I started listening to some really great music that I love) but I am constantly thinking: "Would this band/song be "acceptable" to ___?" And it really drives me crazy because I want to be able to have my own opinion without being bothered by these thoughts that I have to be living up to other peoples standards! And I know they are unreasonable thoughts, but I can't seem to shake them and it leads mt to feeling, not exactly guilty but just not good enough, when I listen to the "wrong" music, like "if ___ wouldn't like it I can't listen to it because ___ would look down on me for it". And I don't want it to matter to me, but it does!! It matters WAY too much!
And also, along the same lines, for a few years I have had these thoughts like, "if ___ were here right now would he/she approve of what I'm doing?" not like a conscience thing, like am I doing the right thing, more like what I'm wearing or doing or watching or listening to, would they think it was "cool"? To the point that I almost feel like they are there, I mean I don't believe it but I feel pressured to be "acceptable" to them even if I'm by myself. This could be partly because I have imaginary conversations with people that I know, and so I kind of feel like they are there. But I don't think they are there, its more of a silly what-if thing but my brain takes it way too seriously! This BOTHERS me and I can't make it stop! I constantly feel pressured to be accepted and do the "right thing" for people who aren't even there.
I hope this made sense. It's kind of hard to explain. Does anyone else feel like this??? Is this a problem? Could it be associated with some sort of mental problem? (I have depression and social anxiety problems)