(((((((EJ)))))))

Some times of the year when others are celebrating, some are hurting. One thing you should remember is, your mother may not be alive, but you will always have a mother. I don't know if psychics are real, but many say that our loved ones remain with us, even after they are gone. Alison Dubois, who is a real person on which the show Medium is based, has a book titled, Don't Kiss Them Goodbye. She believes our loved ones aren't really gone. I hope that it makes you feel better to hear this.

My sister would probably relate to your issues about your daughter. She was raising her husband's grandkids from a previous marriage/relationship (a boy and a girl), and I think they were about 8 or 9 (boy) and 11 or 12 (girl) when she got them. The boy has ADHD and the girl has ADD. The boy also has anger issues.

Just so you know, I'm using "the boy" and "the girl" rather than giving their names; it's not how I refer to them in real life.

When I met them (only once--we live in different states), they were typical kids--not always obeying, but basically good kids. I saw the boy's anger problems back then; we played miniature golf one time, and because he wasn't doing well--he hadn't had enough experience at it, is all--he became very frustrated and got aggressive with his swinging at the ball.

They both got into drugs--including selling, at least by the boy, and the girl even tried to blame some things on her brother, who was often willing to take the blame, because he loves his sister. They got in trouble with the law.

When the boy raised his hand to my sister (her husband stepped in, so he didn't actually hit her), they sent him away. It was extremely difficult for my sister, who loves him dearly. He is still having problems, having run away twice from the place he's currently in, but he's doing better in general.

The girl cursed at my sister and was out-of-control, and she wanted to leave, so they let her. My sister's health hasn't been good in recent months, so she can't handle a kid with these kinds of problems. She and her brother were supposed to go live with her idiot of an uncle, which he said they could, but then he turned around and said no. So, they've been shuffled around. Again. (I'll get to that in a minute.)

My sister is heartbroken over this. She always wanted kids and didn't have any of her own, so she looked forward to raising these kids. I don't know why the girl hates her and her husband so much (she posted some stuff on her website, but was made to remove it). There were things I didn't agree with in my sister and her husband's raising of the children, but my sister loved those kids. We just hope the kids do get their lives straightened out and on a good path.

While I blame the kids for their choices and actions, I understand some of how they got there. Their parents were young drug addicts, and the father abandoned them. The mother died of cancer. They've been shuffled around a lot.

The point is, you can try really hard to be a good parent, and sometimes things still don't work out. It's not your fault. I'm sorry you've had this happen to you.