i can understand the fear of being outside of depression, that's natural i think, when you've lived with it for so long. But like you said it doesn't mean you like living in that place.

I am at the stage where i really want to be depression free for life because i know life is worth living, it really is. I surround myself with positive thinking, positive thoughts, read a lot about psychology, yet the blackness comes anyway.

I feel so normal these couple of days that i'm dreading going to the Dr. i feel like a big fake.