I guess independence is not the word I was necessarily looking for...maybe space is what I meant? I just don't like having people watching my every move all the time...

And just to make it clear, I'm not offended by anything you said. I don't tend to ever be that way. (: I guess I just feel like I should know because it affects my life every day. I just wanted to understand why, and if I should not feel that way, I'm sorry...It's my fault that I know anyway because I pressed for information until I confirmed my assumptions.

I find it difficult to forgive my mom. I am not near as bothered by the fact of what she did or didn't do because I don't even know for sure what is true. It just hurts when she lies to me. Being lied to hurts far more than the truth ever did.

And about being in the middle, who knows, maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe I shouldn't make it such a big deal...it's not like it's anything extremely important...just a bunch of little things. I guess I still don't really want to or think I should have to deal with it.

I don't really feel as if I can go live with my dad at this point in my life. He as always told me I could just move in though, whenever I wanted to. My mom and I already have a bad relationship. I don't want something like that to push it over the edge. I'm not going to put myself before anybody else; it's just not something I do or have ever done. I find my needs less important than trying to create a better relationship...if that's even what I want? I'm not sure...Plus I would have to go to court to get custody changed, and they are going to want a reason. It's not really fair to go there and tell the court things that I can't even tell my own mom. It's for two more years, I have dealt with it for almost ten years if not longer. I'm pretty sure I can make it...

I don't have a therapist, and I don't think I will be able to because I can't talk to my parents about things like that. What I do have is a coach that really cares, and she helps me a lot with my issues regarding this topic. I just don't want to be a waste of her time...I'm not much for talking face-to-face about my issues either. I tend to shut down a little bit if my coach asks me in person. Because of this, I don't think I would be able to talk to my counselor at school either.

Thanks for the reply, Lee. I really appreciate it! (:

JustDontAsk