Should I state the obvious? It is NOT narcissistic not to want an abusive guy! As to 'loser', I guess that depends on your definition and values. If you respect and value people who can support themselves, then a 'loser' to you would probably be a guy who wants to live off you. If you like to be active and have fun, then somebody who mopes around all day is likely a loser to you. To others, maybe not, or perhaps they like the feeling of being needed so this works for them.