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fayerody said:
my daughter is also bipolarII and her dad and then her stepfather abandoned her....i'm expected to fill their four shoes. and sometimes i can't. the projection spills over to me. she just started going back to NA (clean addict now) and i'm praying that that will help.

so, i don't think she feels abandoned by me, but my T does feel that she gets scared if i'm not readily available. it's very complicated for us. i THINK we might be able to take a trip together, but i'd be a nervous wreck....i hope that my moving to Texas will help. that might sound weird, but the Ts all around think it will be a positive thing for both of us.

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Hi Pat,

It sounds like you're a very devoted, involved mom. Moving to another state is no small task, certainly, and it's admirable that you're willing to do this to give your daughter the support she needs right now.

I think that despite the awkwardness/anxiety that comes from being together, having my mom available whenever I need her really helps me feel more secure.

I also think children with abandonment issues will (and possibly even need to) test others to see if they'll be unconditionally supportive. Part of my problem is that I've never had a big failure in from of her -- I never rebelled, never criticised her, & even hid my mental illnesses. So I never had any evidence that if I did mess up, & she was aware of it, that she wouldn't abandon me or become disgusted by me at least.

The good news is that I made myself talk to my mom today, which was completely due to the fact that I've received so much support and advice from everyone in this thread (thank you!! ). I felt so much better after just getting my feelings out here, & I noticed that I could concentrate better than I had in weeks... so since I have two finals this wednesday, I decided I needed to get this out to my mom in order to deal with that stress.

Anyhow, I wrote a letter (much easier) & gave it to her as she left from dinner... in about 20 minutes she came back & we discussed it. I was so worried that she'd be hurt, & I emphasized that I wasn't trying to blame her, but that I just wanted to tell her how I felt emotionally. She wasn't hurt, she was very strong & didn't cry, which meant alot to me because I didn't feel so horribly guilty.

She gave a model response to everything, & told me all that I needed to hear. I knew she would, but it was most important to me to see how she emotionally responded. As I said, she wasn't mad or upset, but was upbeat & helped me to relax.

She also said that she didn't want our trip to be stressful for me, & that she would let me do whatever I wanted instead of keeping up a strict itenerary (she said she wouldn't be mad or hassle me if I slept all day, which is good cause usually she's really rigid about what we do & when we do it (although I don't plan on sleeping all day ).

Thank you all SO much, you've really helped me get this out!!!

Jessie