Hi Jess, I have been where you sound like you are now. I know it is very hard and for me, it was not only the pain and hopelessness that was tough, but also the way my brain changes, I lose the ability to be rational and the self destructive part gets a strong hold.

Please get some help asap (not sure if you see a therapist?) but otherwise see a doctor, those thoughts can be powerful.

I am glad I did something about those thoughts I had - I can't say life is perfect for me now, in fact it can be quite hard, but I am more able to be rational and be in control of me and sometimes can even be very thankful that I am alive on this planet of ours.

Let us know how you are doing - Soup