The other thing is I hate talking about it (meaning suicide) even with my pdoc, I don't say everything. It's almost like I don't want it to go away all the way. I was able to concentrate for a few minutes, but right now it's hard to deal with. I am trying to stay in the Library, but I'm a bit distracted, a friend of mine said that he would call today... he hasn't yet...and I know I can't tell him everything but, to just have him there, it could help. To try and focus on my studies, and him could help. He has some power over me, and I like it. I just wonder if he is okay with being there for me, when he to has had depression, and been in the hospital (oddly enough the same number of times I have been). I want support, but I'm scared to admit, or even show someone what I have written.