i know you are worried, i'm sorry. i am doing ALL i can right now.

yesterday even though i went out and took the scripts i didn't get them filled so it is harder to do something.

i absolutely cannot call crisis because i KNOW they will just turn up with police/ambulance and take me to hospital, they have threatened before. i will TRY to take the call from T tomorrow if she calls, but i know she will be shity with me because going to hospital friday was meant to help so i could cope and use my DBT skills. but it hasn't helped.

right now i am trying to do positive things. i am looking at shopping online, looking at buying things i want so i will have to stay alive for them to arrive in the post. i know it's not much but it's all i can manage at the moment.

the thoughts and voices are too much.. i've always tired to be positive and think well things are s*it now but they will get better and i will have a normal life, well guess what? my pdoc said the other day that nope that was unrealist. i will never have a normal life, i will never be able to function normally, live like all my friends, no all i can hope for is to be able to function. and yeah when i hear that i think whats the point?

i'm sorry i am worrying you so much i really am.