it's sunday here and i only have her work number.. cuz she knows i have contact with the crisis team for out of business hours. i'm thinking about calling and leaving a message to see if an appt early this week is possible.. but i'm scared because i know she has a duty of care and i REALLY don't want to end up back in that hospital. and every time she's been worried about my safety she called my DBT T cuz she has more power to do something cuz my private psych is across the bridge out of area. i'm sure that if she has the time she will see me, thats not what worries me. it's her having to act out of duty of care.. then my cousins get involved and i can't handle them if i get put under the mental health act cuz they'll be shity i'm not taking responsibility for myself and stuff..

and the other thing is once i'm there what am i meant to say? i'm here because at the moment i've decided not to go back to DBT.. all she's gonna do is send me to my T. she's said that i can't see her only cuz she can't provide enough support.

arrrrgh