Quote:
Originally Posted by ickydog2006
I know if I successfully start losing weight I won't stop there, but I don't care right now. And I'm going nuts laying here, must go check scale. Hopefully tonight didn't totally blow my last few days of hard work. It's so hard to diet and not go back to bulimic or anorexic, but dies that mean I shouldn't diet. Maybe I shouldn't, but I need to lose this weight. It's all I can think about right now. Gah, I feel so broken.
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ID (I feel bad calling you an Icky Dog!)
First, I wanted to tell you that nothing you wrote was new, shocking or horrifying to me -- I've done the same if not worse. You're not alone in the depths to which you will sink because of this disease.
Second, bad news. You cannot diet.
There. I said it. To do so with your history would be the beginning of a long slow suicide, and I don't want that to happen. You don't need to lose weight - you need to lose ED, the eating disorder.
Please work with a nutritionist/dietician to develop a meal plan for you and PLEASE follow it. That means eating when you don't want to and limiting yourself to whatever is on the plan. It's hard as heck; I know that. I'm fighting my way through too, but it sounds like you're so close to the edge of being ok and being all out crazy...I want you to be ok. Feel free to PM me.
Bub