VenusHalley,
Please don't take offense, but could you have some depression going on? Not that it is not good to questions/wonder/examine etc but there seems to be some hopelessness or maybe pessimism that I am wondering could be depression. If that is the case, I know you don't like the med thing, but at least remember that depression "colors" how you think and process information and you might view the same content differently if you wern't depressed. I might be way off base too, but was just wondering. Anyway, do hang in there. I always appreciate your posts and thoughts
noneedtoknow