All I can say, as someone who has been there at your age, is to seek some sort of practical help. Is there anyone you can see professionally like a counsellor through your school? It may also help to talk with your family doctor about this. Keep posting in the forum and know that you're not alone in this struggle - it's bloody hard. Good on you for being brave and writing about how you feel. Adolescence is an extremely stressful time - I know I wouldn't want to relive it! When you combine that with a parent who is absent (as you've said), then that's got to suck. All the best.