My Support Forums - View Single Post - Please help me, I don't know what to do... Freaking out here...

PurpleFlyingMonkeys · Jan 22, 2012, 08:57 AM

Trigger warning...

I just about lost my mind last night... Well I did actually. It caused so much of a reaction from me and I never saw it coming...

My brother has a lot of baby mama drama. He just got his kids back (one 5 y/o girl one 4 y/o boy) they spent time in and out of foster care but now he has them and they are getting better.

My daughter is 3, the only child. She's my everything. I do everything for her. I have gone without meals just to buy her a toy because she was a good girl that day. I do everything to make her child nothing like mine. My brother doesn't have central heating in his home so I invited him and his kids to stay the night last night.

After a while they are all 3 in the kitchen. I was using the restroom and the 5 y/o girl runs in and gets me. I went out there and my daughter said her cousin the 4 y/o boy touched her privates

I put the boy in time out, explained again the private area rule. Told them and reminded my daughter again that it's her private part and no one needs to see it or touch it and if they do come tell me.

So later on in the night my daughter and her girl cousin are in her room playing. I heard something that made me suspicious and I go in her room and they are taking pictures of private parts!!!

WTH am I supposed to do? I lost it. I had a melt down and sent them both to time out. I realized I was making it more dramatic than it needed to be and tried to calm myself down. I pulled my 3 year old into my closet and we sat down and had the talk again about privates. I still put her in time out but explained that it was because I told her already not to show her private parts and she did it anyways. We had to sit in the bedroom that night with them until they fell asleep. We were all too worried it would happen again.

So I woke up in the middle of the night twice last night having anxiety attacks over this. I do everything and I mean everything in my power to prevent her from having anything less than a wonderful childhood and this happens, what do I do? I'm being triggered on so many levels with this, how do I keep my head on and deal with this appropriately, I want to curl in a ball and hide forever, but I have to be there for her, how do I keep myself calm without ruining her? I don't know what to do...

I feel like it's all been ruined now, all of this hard work in keeping her safe and healthy and now this has happened, what if she doesn't forget that? What if it eats away at her for the rest of her life like it has so many others? I don't know how to make this better, I don't want that life for her. I don't want to turn my back on his kids but is there any better way of dealing with this, keeping her safe? I feel like a failure right now... I failed her...