i don't think there is a cure for some things that are "wrong" with me besides keep trying, not making the same mistakes as others, and keep trying good coping skills and hopefully that will spread to the rest of my life-- I understand meds are just to "help" with symptoms. Thanks FarmGirl though for what you say- i just wanted to clear that up.

i will have to look into that Dragonfly the FMLA; i work for a contractor and have been for 4 years- but they don't even give sick days.

thanks Ani-- that I hope for some day- I don't like how I am and have been; But hopefully I am being unlike my family members and catching it in my mid twenties to try to do something-- though, My one sister tried therapy and meds herself in her mid twenties and ended up saying F this and then tried to get back on but did not want to go through therapy-- I think she is doing ok though, she keeps a job, a house, and she raises her kids with her husband... I only talk to her some times.

Thanks everyone for your support...

Last night was rather hard but I am still here--- I hate that I hurt my boyfriend in the process of this all-- and the sadder part -- in my heart I know with out the meds I have been worse than this last week--- i know they said to give them a call if unusual thoughts or actions came about--- but in my heart I know this not that unusual and I have been worse-- I am just getting more fed with myself as time goes by; that is the real issue -- being fed up with myself, over years realizing what people I have hurt and so forth- and my emotions being a ping pong everywhere to which side does not help this. Almost break points

But i have said, to day is a new day even though my head hurts so bad..

thanks agian