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Last night was bad... After 8 hours posting on pc, I think I'm going to be ok this time... I really don't want to wake up the way I did last night though... So afraid to sleep now... But even more afraid not to sleep. When I'm low on sleep I tend to drift far away. It'll be fun... Work work work on getting rid of all my anxiety triggers and realizing just what they are only to have new triggers thrown in. Never ends...
I didn't think I was this unstable until last night... I've got to shut it down before it gets too far. I've opened a lot of my doors internally to get answers but these doors seem to be driving me into a much worse mental state. I have to close the doors. The thing I loved, through all of the pain I can feel the most pleasure as well. I feel things 20 times worse than others but feel things 20 times better than others. My mind is never ending, no question too big or too hard to think on or to solve. No problem too hard for me. But with that comes so much. So many memories trying to surface. So many things blocked by others and even blocked by myself that keep surfacing so I think I've got to stop.
I think I'm going back into auto pilot mode. Robtronic... Brainless... But painless...
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I'd lock my hands behind my head, I'd cover my heart and hit the deck, I'd brace myself for the impact if I were you.
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