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I'm sorry to hear about your father. Don't worry about what you feel or don't feel. Feelings are not right or wrong or compulsory. What you feel is what is right for you. It is normal to dissociate from feelings when you're not ready or able to deal with them, especially for someone already skilled at dissociation. Maybe you'll be able to let them through and process them in manageable chunks. Therapy could make that a lot easier and safer. One of the times I started therapy was right after one of my grandfathers had died. That was what we started with, although it wasn't the reason I needed therapy. Maybe this would be a good place for you to start too.

PM or email me if you want to if you don't see me online.

Love,
Rap