Im sorry you feel this way. I always tried to impose set limits on things like the amount, depth, what implement etc. I guess the change came when i was admitted to hopsital and the doctor who was attending my wounds remarked on how they weren't very deep (yet still deep enough to warrant her care, id like to add). As you can imagine i became pretty angry and basicallly stormed out. I can't believe how some people tend to link depth or severity with how your feeling on the inside. Its just absurd. From then on i just didn't give a toss really. It didn't matter where or how much i just did enough until i felt better and sadly its still that way with me. Sorry i know ive gone off on a tangent but i know what its like to reach that point where your feeling out of control or even detatched from what your doing. Your not alone *hug*