I'm not officially diagnosed with an eating disorder, but it's a problem that definately comes up often enough that it seems to be.

Also, I think that I go back and forth thinking maybe I don't.

I have lost a lot of weight. I go through periods of times where I won't eat because I'm angry or because I'm very down ...or just cuz I need control.

I was MANY different sizes for many different reasons, but I'm now down to a size 6 it seems. Well every store I go in I am in that size, but I keep thinking that the stores are cutting their clothes bigger.

Anyways, point being I struggle with this and it only adds to not having any concept of me or my size, which that is difficult for me.

I feel like a stranger etc. This only makes it worse.

Anyways, here is the real question.

I needed to go to florida to visit with my mom and she was telling me friends of her's have been questioning her because I'm too thin to them and lost a lot of weight quickly.

She got defensive and said " I see her eat ..she doesn't have a problem" ...She was irritated about whatever else was said.

Anyways...since before I left for florida I was having serious agitation problems and depression I did not want to run into any problems down in florida. Not to mention I needed to visit w/my grandmother who is hospice.

So I took steps to try to eat. Did I eat as much as a typical person? ... No the quantity is less, but my mom would make constant comments like " I eat much less then you"

"you eat way more then I do"

"I didn't even eat breakfast this morning" which by the way she did ...she forgets that she did, but i don't bring it up because I just want to get away from these comments.

If she went to bed and I had a snack ..like pudding ...she'll be like "did you get up and having dessert last night"?

"i barely ever eat sweets or chocolate"

This goes on and on.

Then she would constantly look at me funny...with what I wore and would make comments.

I wore a sundress cuz we were having company over for dinner.

She was like " Uh ...why are you getting so "fixed up" ...don't you think it's a bit much for staying in and is the top of that supposed to be like that"??? (referring to my chest.

mind you this was just a plain knit dress.

I walked away...and my dad saw me and said "oh you look nice" ... I'm like "are you making fun of me"!

He's like "uh no...not at all" ..and just kinda laughed me off.

My sister also said I looked nice with out me ever saying anything.

I ended up changing because I started to feel so uncomfortable.

I don't understand why she was being like this with me. It's like she watched everything I ate and made comments.

I talked to my therapist about this and she said this is abusive behavior from my mom. I said I don't think she even knows she's doing it. The therapist said it doesn't matter because my mom knows I'm not well and she continues with his kind of behavior.

I've come home and it's brought up all these memories of things with her ...and the way my dad would make comments.

He won't make any comments now...because he's concerned and will only encourage me to eat.

In my past when I was growing up or when I was "heavy" ...He'd say " do you really need that" ...things like that.

I said "well he didn't make me feel bad about what I was eating at all ..and just encourages me"

When I said it...it seems to messed up.

Now that I'm home I'm just trying not to fall backwards.