please don't get angry but,

1. I cut to see my internal pain visualized externally.

2. I cut because it makes me numb to emotions

and agn, don't get angry

3. but, I feel bad because a part of me does cut to ONLY get a small bit of concern, to know my T cares... so a small bit of attention from T. But, I don't run around telling people. My last counselor knows. best friend knew. and one girl I told because she was already doing it- I told her cus she told me first.

However, I feel bad for the third reason. Like I said in my earlier post I haven't cut for 2 years but, I wanted to remember what it felt like, I wanted to see if it would make me feel better and Honestly, I feel like I have some 'validation' deficit-- like because as a child my pain wasn't validated I have to act out to make sure it does get validated and I repeat the process... a process I don't just do with cutting but, with life in general, a process that in some ways seems attention-seeking, but, its only because I have this deep need for my pain to be heard and I'm always thinking it won't be.

Would my T be angry if she knew all of this?