Ok guys. I was a cutter big time and head banger.
So I have tried to give that up.
But I am now pushing nicotine...
it is strange because it is not suicidal...
and I do not smoke...
but I am crushing the nicotine mints at work and keep putting them in my hot coco.

I know they are harming me and I feel my heart hurt when I do it.
It is like it is punishing my heart in my mind.
If I feel the pain from stress or anger or sadness, I do this.

I am afraid that I will push it too much and OD.
My T kinda knows I do this, but has not said anything about it.
He just says all these things are avoiding the pain.
I think I am addicted to avoiding myself!!!!

Anyone else do this?? Why do I just go from one form of self harm to another form?