So after last week when T said those moments when therapy doesn't feel enough is when I should have been picked up. I told her I'd thought about those words a lot since and they really helped, I didn't feel like a jug leaking water when I thought about them and T said "and hearing me say them proberbly added to the 'holding' effect" which led me to want more of that 'being held' feeling so I told her how I know I am internalizing a whole lot more now but I'm scared sometimes that its all going to be taken away, then I said no that's not the right words to which T added "your frighten of that feeling 'breaking down'"? Yeah that was it, I said I never want to go back to how it use to be and T said "that inner feeling of absence", yeah that too was spot on.
I like it when we put words to feelings!