Sometimes I feel like all I do is go from one negative coping mechanism to the next now, so you are definitely not alone. And I have been inclined to do reckless behaviors (which is what I'd say your pill crushing is, along with SI because you know it hurts yourself). The other day I took almost a double dose of extra anxiety meds I have from years ago. I was stressed, and just wanted to sleep, and I was in a "I don't care mood" so the rational part of me wasn't screaming at me to not do it, so I took the pills. I don't know, maybe I was secretly hoping it would hurt me. I don't know.