That's exactly where I am. Trying to figure out why. And it seems like there's as many whys as there are clouds in the sky. I don't think the pain improves my mood...rather it just takes my mind off things. I agree with the compulsion to deal with anxiety idea, in that a lot of times I do it when I have a lot of anxiety. And maybe it's an indirect way to punish myself as well, knowing that what I'm doing is going to hurt. Maybe I think I should look as broken as I feel but I don't know how to do that in a more normal way..