Yes. He means well. He's trying hard. But it feels like instead of me pulling him up, he's dragging me down into hell with him.

And he's so inscrutable to me. For example, my mistake last night was to tell him the food he was preparing for dinner smelled good. Apparently I was supposed to know about this whole train of thought he had going on, but I don't read minds. It's exhausting, and I feel like I can never relax, even when I'm away from him, because I worry all the time about what I'm going to do wrong next. It seems so unpredictable to me. Then he demands that I "admit I'm wrong" and apologize.

I feel like I'm being pulled into a vortex of madness. At least before he started getting angry all the time I could let down my guard and rest.

In all fairness I've asked that he tell me when he's angry. He's one of those people who stuff down all their anger then explode. And when he's stuffing it down, you can't tell by looking at his face or demeanor. At least I can't. He's a pro at putting on a facade of complete calm and unconcern while he's roiling with anger inside. So I'd like him to express it for two reasons: 1. so it doesn't build to explosion point, and 2. because it no doubt contributes to his mental health issues.

Now I have to able to hear it without being reactive. That's why I'm trying to change the focus from "fixing" him to "fixing" me. Easy to say, hard to do.

There's positive stuff here too. Maybe my exhaustion is making see only the bad. Last night he misinterpreted something I said to be a negative comment when I was trying to be empathetic. It's true the comment was ambiguous, but IMO he would have to have a really bad view of me to have understood it the way he did. So I suggested that maybe his self-esteem is so low that he hears criticism and put downs when none are intended. I could tell by the look on his face that I'd hit the nail on the head.