All I have worked towards for many years is to have a pure, wholesome life. I shut out the true nature of humans and replace it with my own fantasy of what I want people to be. Pure, loyal, honest, just goodness. I know it's not reality, and forcing myself to look at it leaves me feeling empty, hurt, and unsure. How am I supposed to live with this. It's breaking my very soul. Is the only way out to not have any human interaction? I can't do that.


This hits home with me. Caring for the world outside alot, but at the same time living in your own. When things go wrong outside, one takes it as attack on them, because that is not how we want it to be, things are not supposed to be this way.

I am not sure if I have any advice here... it's hard to accept people are not nice (or that they don't have good intentions, that they are not as intelligent and aware as we would like them to be). Find those who are good match to you to surround yourself with. And try to find the good things in real world, not in the world where we'd like to live. They are there, somewhere.

I think this is spiritual thing (tbh, I don't sense any "paranoia" in your posts. Just sadness over the state of the world. You are def not alone in that). Damnit, the world sucks. We are disconnected. And we try to adjust ourselves to the bad state of world, making those who are not able to suffer... and we tell them it's them (us?) who has a problem. The key is to find a balance between seeing and being aware of what is going on... and between being at peace with it.