Anika, so sorry you are struggling at the moment. I must admit, I agree with dragonfly2. I was thinking exactly the same as I read your post: verging on echoes of paranoia. Even though I fully understand what you are saying and can absolutely relate. But it was never a good thing when it happened to me...

The other thing that strikes me is the strong black & white nature of your thinking, although you do qualify it in your second post. You don't have to accept the world the way it is - but then you have to be at peace with that perspective. And you're not at the moment. Sorry for the cheesey platitudes, but no-one is completely full of dark secrets and no-one is completely pure, as you of course know. And there is nothing you can do about either of those things. As you indicate at the beginning of your first post, I don't think you are discovering something new here - I think we are talking about a shift in your thinking. I hope that is not too presumptuous of me.

I lived for a long time believing everyone was evil and I was the only one who could see it - I could not understand why no-one did anything about it. I felt corrupted by it. Impure, as you say. It's only now that I realise how distorted that was. No good comes of that kind of thinking, although trust me I know how compelling it is.

I don't really have any advice sadly, except to say try to stay grounded and in touch with yourself, bring the focus gently back to yourself because that is something you can control (you know what I mean... ). Don't 'force yourself' to confront anything. Having no human interaction is not the only way out - adjusting your perspective on human interaction is important. Trying to tease out the good that is already in people and indeed, not compromising yourself.

Easier said than done. I feel like I'm way off base I wanted to say that if the dark thoughts persist and you are unable to control them please do consult your pdoc, if not already now.

Thinking of you, and I hope the weirdness passes soon.