My nurse was here today. She is on at me SOOO much to join groups and get out of the house, but I can't stand the thought of having to face ppl. It never used to be as bad as this. I used to be able to take no1 daughter to music and mvmt sessions no prob, and that is what I am aiming to do now, but it is the thought of all these ppl in a room- I'm starting to feel claustraphobic just writing about it- and knowing that they are all going to want to meet you and talk with you becoz you are the new one. Of course, initially the focus will be on no2 daughter but when the session ends... I hate it when my nurse asks me to DO something. It's not so bad when she has suggestions but when she actually asks me to find out about these groups and then go, I kinda feel obligated to. She has done so much for me I feel guilty if I let her down. And as she keeps reminding me (altho I know it for myself) I have to help myself. Meds aren't going to do it, esp as I saw the pdoc yesterday and she has not changed my meds in the slightest- but I do get another review in 8 weeks. I just don't know how I'm gonna cope for all this time- it seems such a long way off and I have sunk so far down. The strangest thing is that everybody I meet, I think without exception, comments on how well I'm looking, and how I haven't looked so good for so long. I know I 'wear a mask' in front of everyone, but I didn't realise I was that good. One good thing about yesterdays docs appt is that she DID see past the mask, and made a comment on how she could see that I had slipped... But I'm gonna go now, as I think I have rambled on and on enough for one post! That, and it is getting late and I should've taken my meds about 1 hour ag0- it makes ALL the diference in getting up in the morn. In fact, now I won't even take them coz if I do it will be too much of a struggle to get up to no2 in the morning.