We actualy were going through marriage counceling. It helped the small problems and we were able to communicate better. I admit it did help. I dont know if i could get him to go with me again. We went and things were ok for awhile then i went manic and had an affair with someone i met in the hospital some that i felt understood me the way my husband never could because we shared the same problems. Needless to say it was such a mistake i regretted it before i could blink my but the damage was done and my husband filed for divorce before i got the courage up to beg him not to. This disease has taken so much from me because in my manic mind this guy knew me better than my husband but in true reality my husband knows me better than i know myself, hecan tell you what im going to do before i do it. I swear his instints never are wrong. He loved me unconditionally and i broke his spirit. This is something I have yet to fully forgive myself for. He is the only person in my life that has always been there. Since i was 14 years old, im now 33.
I have to get out of this depression and find myself again so that he knows im still here. I have to do something. I think the meds they put me on are meds to keep me down because they dont want mania to come back but they have me way to low. Im seriously considering just not taking them tomorrow just to see what happens.
Thank you so much for listening :-)