When I was little my brother and I were very close in age. We used to gaze at each other's parts with quite some bewilderment. He thought I might have pulled my bit off, I thought he might have eaten something that was trying to wiggle out. It didn't scar either of us.

Later on we discovered that tongues were weird. We were about five and six, and one of us said, "how come we can't taste our own tongues?" So we decided to see if we could taste each other's tongues. We couldn't, but we did realise that tongues were rough and bobbly on the top, and slimey and horrid on the bottom. We thought this was hilarious, and laughed ourselves silly.

Anyway, on this occasion my Mum heard us laughing, and came out to see what we were doing. She thought we were doing something dirty, and gave us (well, me mainly) a good smacking (I was the older) and my poor Mum was traumatised for ages thinking it was a sex thing. It was anything but a sex thing.... it was literally a "wow, isn't this weird" thing. I didn't even know I had a vagina till I started bleeding out of it.

Perhaps all that is going on here is that kids are exploring their differences? It's not always a sex thing (I know how hard that is to hear when you've had trauma and abuse in your own childhood.) I don't think you've done anything wrong, you're being loving and protective. But I also think you could worry yourself ill. Of course, we didn't have camera as an issue when we were kids, and we'd never been in and out of foster care.

Please put me in my place if I'm out of line, I'm only sharing my own experience. I do think it's worth talking to a counsellor on the children's behalf. But please don't panic. You say you're scared you've "ruined" your daughter. I'm certain you've done no such thing. The most important thing for any child to know is that their parents love them. Your daughter knows that. Be kind to yourself. You're a good Mom.