Your post reminds me of a Sting song....

"I've been scattered, I've been shattered
I've been knocked out of the race, but I'll get better
I feel your light upon my face.."

- Sting, Lithium Sunset

Sometimes we get knocked out of the race. It sounds like you've had your share of derailments from this dreaded illness. But you've gotten back into the game. We're going to have setbacks, it's just part of the deal with bipolar, or any chronic illness for that matter. It doesn't mean you have to give up on your dreams just because you might get sick again. You can't live your life waiting for the next shoe to drop. Life is messy. Part of being fully alive is feeling powerless at times, but carrying on anyway.

Part of how I held on to hope was by changing my perspective of things. I used to work in a building that was across the street from the psych hospital. I could see the front entrance from my work area. Any time I was having a bad day at work, I would stop and remind myself that I was on the right side of the street, that I wasn't in the hospital, that things were okay in the grand scheme of things. In the 4 years I worked there, I was hospitalized across the street twice. Both times I had to acknowledge that I was on the hospital side of the street, but that I could cross the street again when I was well. That this was a necessary detour, but I would get back to where I belonged. And I did.

Life is full of detours, some of which we would rather avoid. If we can learn from the detours, rather than fighting them, I think we're better off. But just because there may be detours, doesn't mean we cancel the journey.