Thank you all! I've been wanting to give an update for a while now but I just couldn't bring myself to type anything. (Most of this is copy and paste from another post, I just don't have a lot of energy for new words right now.)

I've been having a lot of decent-sized panic attacks (6-8 a day), especially when I look at my pets or look around the house at all this mess and think about everything that needs to be done. I pretty much stopped cleaning altogether several months ago, the kitchen has a huge trash pile in the middle of the floor, and I just keep throwing more trash on top of the pile and on the counters. I don't even like walking through there and I don't know what's wrong with me. I sleep in the living room and don't want to leave it if I don't have to. And this is EXTREMELY embarrassing for me to say, I haven't told anyone, but recently I even started urinating in a bucket just because I don't want to walk through the rest of the house. What is wrong with me? Even with medication and therapy my symptoms have gotten so much worse since my diagnosis, I have never been this bad. Anyway, I know I should be sorting through things and packing some things, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I have no energy and I've been sleeping a lot.

I guess there's still that very small glimmer of hope with the letters. We'll take them to the judge when the eviction hearing comes up. The lawyer is hoping that will buy us a little more time in the houses, and again I think he was also saying (in so many words) that there's a very slight chance that if the judge is nice he might give us another shot at paying the back taxes and getting the houses back. I don't have too much hope in that because the guy that bought them at the auction already holds both deeds (he officially owns them now). Anyway, I've been avoiding all the things I need to be doing to get out of here until we actually get the eviction notices.

My therapist is helping me get into a section 8 apartment for the disabled, but there's a good chance there's already a long waiting list, so if that doesn't work out I have no clue what I am going to do. I don't get SSD or anything, even though my therapist has told me repeatedly that I should apply for it. Again, no energy, but I recently went ahead and told her that with her help I will apply for it.

As far as my pets, if I do get the apartment, they only allow one small pet. How do I pick just one of them? I've had my 100lb lab for about 9-10 years and she's been my best buddy ever since I got her as a puppy, I can't have her anymore because she's not small. I've had my fat cat just as long as I've had my dog. I've had the other two kitties for about 3-4 years now. All three cats sleep with me every night, one at my feet, one under the blanket at my side, and the little tiny one sleeps on my bicep as I lay on my side (yes, it's super cute). They've all kept me going during some very difficult times, especially a couple of years ago when I got a diagnosis, I was having my first real suicidal thoughts (and almost followed through with an attempt) after a difficult breakup from a long-term relationship with a girl I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Silly, I know, but that's when my symptoms snowballed out of control. My mind was racing so fast it felt like my head was on fire (for months) before I was put on medication. At the time, I wasn't thinking much about family, we're not all that close, I was thinking about my pets. They kept me going. They are my family and my friends.

I guess I just need someone to listen and have some compassion. Thanks for being here!