I'm sorry WePow . I never used nicotine for SI, but I did use food deprivation. I used to not eat to feel the pain of hunger. It was a way of punishing myself and my body, without leaving bruises or scars. Even now sometimes, on bad days, the thought occurs to me, "I don't deserve to eat because..."

I wish I knew how to tell you how to stop finding new ways to self-harm. But it's important that you do recognize what you're doing, and that it is not safe.

Maybe it's about avoiding the pain, or yourself -- but maybe it's also about feeling like you don't deserve to feel emotionally sad or hurt, and moreover that you (or your heart) ought to be punished for such things.