Wow! Sounds like you're really scared, Missy...first, welcome to PC. There are so many people here who will help you figure things out. You're definitely NOT alone. It is pretty common to feel like you do during a manic episode...don't feel like you're the only one; many of here have felt this way.

I think the first thing you should realize is that bipolar is a very serious condition, and you have to treat it as such. It sounds like your pdoc is taking good care of you. Lithium is a great drug...take it exactly as your doctor has prescribed and be sure and drink plently of water. You should begin to level out pretty soon. You should not have too much trouble with weight gain.

Please, please follow your doctor's instructions to the letter; this is very important. You sound like you have really been through it lately. If you can, get into therapy ASAP...a good T can really help you put your issues into perspective.

I hope you start feeling better soon...I think that you will. If you need anything, we're here to help!

DJ