Thank you all of you for your replies.

It was exactly the help I was looking for. I feel a lit better today after examining everything that was said and seeing how it was applicable.

I was letting my fears drive me there for a while, and that's not a way for me to live.

Ani, at first I was like " wait I'm not really judging". But giving careful consideration I am. I'm letting my fears judge. Judging on who is safe, who is not. Really I was stuck in a circle there.

I'm feeling a while lot better about it all today. I thought I was headed for a breakdown. I'm really thankful for all the thought in your replies. I appreciate all the perspectives. Thank you.