If your husband and his siblings have not learned how to deal with their mother in the 50-60 years they have known her, they aren't going to suddenly learn now? What does your husband think about how you treat your mother? Are you a good example?

When it is our mother, our age does not really matter but all those past experiences and how we were taught to treat her by her. If she is giving him a hard time about how he treats her (right or wrongly) and then you get on him about how he treats you and the kids and her right then, how is that different? As my husband keeps saying to me when he feels like I am being too critical instead of helpful, "We're on the same side!" Your husband does not need friendly fire from you, but support?

"I'm so sorry your mother was talking at you and making you feel bad. Your dinner has gotten cold, do you want me to warm it up or would you like me to make you something else?"