You would think after living this long(80 I believe you said) would stop being such a pill about things....unfortunately for some older people, they just get more hateful. Your
husband is likely pretty angry when he get off the phone with her. She's treating all of her children it seems the same....letting them know they are not up to her expectations, and below par for her to love unconditionally
(that's sorta what you call emotional blackmail) She's an immature, very unwise woman; and her children will breath some freedom when she's gone instead of remembering a loving mother. You should feel sorry for her...she's really a sad personality and your husband and his siblings have put up with this all their lives.